Exhibit 16.2

Speaking of Dave, he decided to involve me in his discussion of a book written by a self-hating gay satanist about how homosexual men should stop being nancies and start calling themselves androphiles.

So…um…thanks?

I’ll give the writer this: being a satanist is pretty hardcore. Is it Danzig hardcore? No, but maybe Dave Mustaine-level hardcore.

Not speaking of Danzig, Dave brings me into this here:

“I was going to do the work of coming up with some great zingers to try to answer what ‘male-oriented’ music and hobbies might be, but I’m rushed and busy right now. A. Peterson, I’m looking in your direction.”

That Dave thinks I am a source of information when it comes to manly things makes me wonder if Dave has ever really seen or listened to me at all. Nothing about my being straight offsets my desire to talk to you about which G.I. Joe’s would make up the most effective strike force or the fact that I, by myself and with no outside prompting, watched The Devil Wears Prada.*

* This isn’t true. As far as you know. Don’t dig to deeply here, people. I swear if you wait until I’m distracted and then say, “What was the name of Simon Baker’s character in that movie with Meryl Streep?” and I respond out of instinct with, “You mean dashing journalist Christian Thompson!” you need to leave slowly and never interact with me again. In fact, this might be a good idea for all seven people reading this. Great. So it’s decided. I needed the extra time to watch 27 Dresses anyway.

But I can do straight music, I suppose. The satanist says that listening to female vocalists is what makes gay men so, as he puts it, “Fabulousssss [limp-wristed gesture].” Okay, I only wish he put it that way. I desperately want to imagine this person as a flamboyant, campy John Waters clone who occasionally puts down his appletini long enough to say, “You know, our dark lord really can give you the answers you need to put your life back together. Oh, Lucifer, look at those Jimmy Chan’s. I’d sell my soul to Christ for a pair of those!”

Is Jimmy Chan a real designer? Well, screw it, I’m not looking it up.

So here’s your straight music, Dave. These are the first five songs that come up on shuffle in my iTunes. And I’m not going to cheat as much as I might like to do so:

1. “Hi-Definition” by Lupe Fiasco. (Yes, rap! That’s pretty hardcore. This is going well).
2. “The Modern Leper” by Frightened Rabbit. (Yes, indie rock! I am pretty cool).
3. “Hearts of Oak” by Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. (Uh oh, I hope something comes up to mix things up).
4. “What Was It You Wanted” by Bob Dylan. (Suddenly this is going so well it’s going badly. This song, by the way, is off Oh Mercy. Not really a standout).
5. “You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb” by Spoon. (Noooo!!!!).

Damn it. Don’t you see what’s happened here? Instead of finding all of the embarrassing music on my computer, I’ve found exactly what you would expect on the computer of a 25-year-old poseur which is far more embarrassing. I’m a zombie who purchased my identity wholesale along with this Twin Peaks box set and these Richard Brautigan books I think I love.

You know what might make me stand out:

Adam Peterson, Satanist.

2 Comments / Posted in Davids, Hardcore, Music

Comments

  1. elisabeth says:

    i think you mean Jimmy Choo. you’re safe

  2. [leaves slowly]

    [never interacts with Adam again]

    [eats a so-delicious-it’s-terrifying custard bun from the Chinese bakery]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *