Spring

Exhibit 17.4

Stock Photography Review

I did this in the fall, skipped the winter, and am back to do it now that it’s “spring.”

(Ed note: It is not in any way spring. Here’s how cold it is here: there is no coffee in our office, and I can’t make myself walk outside to go find some. For whatever reason, I decided it would be spring when I got back from my last trip and nothing about scraping my windshield every morning or my apartment being 50 degrees is making me change my mind. That’s why I’m wearing these shorts and carrying this kite).

As always, these photos are from the first few pages of results for the relevant words.

Spring is the time we…

…teach our kids about religion.

…finally tell Joey how much he’s disappointing us by not excelling at soccer. Or even understanding the rules. And those capri pants he wears don’t help either. Oh, god, Mary, do think Joey might be, you know? No, no, he can’t be. I’ve seen him talk to that girl in his class, that little Susie Swanson. Oh, god, I think he was telling her where he got his capris. That’s it, Joey’s getting a basketball for Easter and this time I’m not going to let him pick out the sparkliest one.

…get too literal.

…revise our resolutions and decide that, yes, this year we will start running–but for different reasons.

…win it all back from Santa, some debaucherous leprechaun, and, um, a guy dressed up as Wonder Woman? Also, teach our kids even more about religion.

…finally catch who did this to Mr. Floppy. We made a promise to Beatrice, damn it! Do you want to go back and tell her and those 14 kids that the wackjob who did this is still out there? Any one of us could be next. Well, probably not Crazy Peter, the guy who lives in the old knife factory. He’s too crazy. Come on, Officer Cottontail, let’s go talk to Uncle Wiggily. I just don’t trust him.

…learn this isn’t going to end well for Lester and that maybe there really was something going on between him and that chick.

…realize that consuming pints of shaken-up Scope is a drinking problem but not the kind they deal with in AA.

…learn to love (monkeys) again. Hey, wait, is that monkey playing with a detached hand? It must be spring! I’m going to fly this kite all the way to the coffee shop. Thanks, creepy-but-initially-adorable monkey.

Comment / Posted in Monsters, Spring, Stock Photography

Exhibit 1.8

Heather is featured in this week’s RealPoetik with an incredible poem with lines like:

  • Up, whorish daffodils!
  • The pink pill is the tear
  • When spring pushes push steam

Why aren’t you reading it now?

Comment / Posted in Journals, Poetry, Spring