Exhibit 27.19


For the first time, The Cupboard actually needs checks. Previously we’d been able to get by with debit cards, PayPal, and loans from Dave and myself that never get paid back. But now we’ve made it (as indicated by us now having an archaic and senseless way of paying bills).

Ordering checks was not easy. The very nice, very American man from Deluxe was having some issues with our business model.

Me: They should say ‘The Cupboard.’
Guy: Spell that.
Me: [Spells that]
Guy: O, right. Ka-pub-oar-ed.
Me: No. Cup-board. Like where you keep dishes.
Guy: What?
Me: You know, like where that Indian lives.
Guy: Cu-pa-boe-urd, right?
Me: Yes, exactly.

I just want you to know this so that when we write you a check, you know it’s not actually from The Koopafort. It’s from us. Also, the check is bad.

Comment / Posted in Checks, Spelling, The Cupboard

Exhibit 24.13

I may be able to chase down a robber, but I cannot spell the word ‘bureaucrat’ correctly. I’m usually so far off that Word autocorrects it to the word ‘bearcat.’ I don’t even know what bearcats are. I hope they are this:

* A bearcat exercises the authority delegated to him in accordance with impersonal rules, and his loyalty is enlisted on behalf of the faithful execution of his official duties vis-à-vis bearcats

* A bearcat is a full-time occupation and job placement is dependent upon technical qualifications re: need necessarily be bear and/or cat

* A bearcat work’s is rewarded by a regular salary and prospects of promotion to lieutenant bearcat

* Ultimately he is responsible only for the impartial execution of assigned tasks and must sacrifice his personal judgment if it runs counter to his official duties as a bearcat so as not to lead to a bearocatic nightmare

* A bearcat must exercise his judgment and his skills, but his duty is to place these at the service of a higher authority, like some kind of wolflion

2 Comments / Posted in Bearcats, Spelling

Exhibit 19.9

Adventures in Automatic Spelling Correction

So it’s not uncommon to have MS Word correct the spelling of something I’m writing and guess the wrong word. This happens for several reasons:

1) I am a poor speller
2) Really bad when writing fast
3) So bad that I’m often times far enough off that the anthropomorphic Paperclip or whomever just throws up his hands and says, “I don’t know, screw it, let’s just assume he wanted TMNT 2: The Arcade Game.”

This is fine as most of the time I do, in fact, want TMNT 2: The Arcade Game.

But last night’s spelling correction was unprecedented. Not only did the program guess wrong, but it was so far off as to leave me running to my dictionary to find out the definition of the word it corrected to. Keep in mind, this isn’t spelling being suggested, this is spelling it is automatically correcting as I type, presumably because these errors or so common that the program can say fairly certainly what the writer intends (‘teh’ becomes ‘the,’ for instance).

In this case, it corrected my misspelling of seeing (I believe in my typing haste I threw out ‘seinng’) to the word ‘seining.’ Now, maybe it’s just because I’ve lived a life that’s been delightfully landlocked–full of corn detasseling and talk of four-wheelers–but I had no idea what this word meant. Maybe–and that’s a pretty soft maybe–I would have known this word’s more common noun form, but as it was I was quite confused.

(Being much smarter than me, you probably already know that ‘seining’ is fishing done with a seine and a seine is a large net that goes into the water vertically then gets drawn up and together. Please feel free to tell me whether or not I should have known this. In return, I’ll tell you whether or not you should be able to diagram the triple option offense).

Seining doesn’t even seem to be the preferred term for seine fishing. The only explanation for this is that someone at Microsoft must have a father who’s a North Atlantic fisherman. Otherwise, I have a hard time believing anyone ever uses the word ‘seining’ outside the following sentences:

1. Are you seining I can’t catch any fish? Get it, Larry? See, it was a joke for North Atlantic fishermen like Silas Ballmer.
2. What does ‘seining’ mean? I should totally write a blog post about this that goes on for far too long.

You’ll be happy to know that this change actually made my work better. Now in the middle of an otherwise normal conversation, two characters get to have this exchange:

Harold: Sorry about the blindness.
Phil: Guess I want be seining the cherry blossoms again after all.
Harold: What does seining mean? I should totally write a blog post about this that goes on for far too long.
Phil: Can you walk me home first?

3 Comments / Posted in Corrections, Seining, Spelling

Exhibit 12.20

In a small, domestic anecdote that doesn’t warrant a Ziggy cartoon or the c-plot in an Two and a Half Men episode, it took me five attempts to correctly spell the word ‘tomorrow’ using my phone’s ‘T9’ text messaging assistance.

If you’re not familiar, T9 is a feature that guesses what word a person is attempting to spell based on the letters they’ve entered. In this case, it thought I was trying to spell ‘tmososyo.’

Oddly, when I went to spell ‘tmososyo’ in a subsequent message, it thought I was trying to spell ‘Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo.’

Comment / Posted in Messages, Spelling, Tmososyo