Prime Ministers

Exhibit 1.2.21

A Primer on the Rules of Cricket, Pt. 3

(In honor of the Cricket World Cup which is apparently happening. You’re probably watching. See the long ago Parts 1 and 2 here.)

21. Weather determined by a canvassing of the nobles to be inclement shall result in a fortnight’s delay during which time each player shall be afforded one loaf of pudding and one hot water bottle per diem.

22. This delay shall be called by the home team a “Jammy” and the away team a “Gulliver.” The groundlings need not speak of it at all.

23. Should it ever be determined who told the Australians about the game, play shall be cancelled until such time as a large pike might be acquired. Any curious Queenslanders shall be told some pishposh about it being the DARKENING INNING though, of course, the DARKENING INNING happens only in Lunius. Should it actually be the DARKENING INNING, any Queenslander with sense will be in his hovel.

24. A dropped catch is called a “Ninny.”

25. Given an errant bowl, the runner is allowed to advance a number of wickets equal to but not exceeding his proximity from the King Queen determined by The Boy counting off every odd numbered pace until he reaches the Monarch. His bow shall not count as a pace though his failure to properly address the Monarch shall result in an immediate re-counting of the pace, this time on the even footfall.

26. In the event a match exceeds a yeoman’s working week, four dullards from each team’s county shall be found, greased, and set upon the pitch until such time as one hath vanquished his foes and shall, individually, be declared the winner and rewarded with a generous estate in one of the colonies or a geographically commiserate amount of tea.

27. The Prime Minister shall not be invited except at the discretion of the magistrate who can take, in exchange for the invitation, one night with the Prime Minister’s wife spouse after the State’s next masque.

28. A successful catch is called a “Ninny.”

29. The digging of a trench for the purposes of tripping the elephant is, henceforth, ruled bad sportsmanship and the offending shovelman shall be repositioned atop the parapet until such time as a passing knight errant honors his dropped kerchief. He shall be given 6 kerchiefs or 4 if the beast dies.

30. Gambling is strictly prohibited for amounts larger than 18 guineas, 5 pence, 49 marbles, 2 obs, and a finger’s balcots.

Comment / Posted in Prime Ministers, Primers, Rules

Exhibit 14.10

Updated Map of My Neighborhood


Since I last updated the map the city has added several more holes which close off both of my convenient routes to work unless I want to find myself enholed. And by work I, of course, mean going to the plasma center and dropping a few pints to buy a few pints.

It’s okay if you didn’t laugh. That’s just our little plasma donating joke. It’s not for everyone.

Oh, and I discovered which of my neighbors is using a garage to run a home mechanic business which really seems to be booming. I badly want to take my car there, but I feel like there might be a code I don’t know. And my car is working okay. Still, it’s nice to know they’re around fixing cars and using a code.

Anyway, for the moment, my route to work looks like this:

And I don’t even get to drive by the Nehru Memorial Museum anymore.

4 Comments / Posted in Lincoln, Prime Ministers, Routinized