Miles

Exhibit 13.6

More like, The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Dick.

(high five)

Also acceptable would have been, The Book of Laughter and Forgetting about That Guy I Ratted Out to the Police That One Time Because I Was in Love with His Girlfriend and Was All Pissed He Came Back to Totally Step All Over My Game. I Wonder What Happened to That Guy? I Thought They Were Going to Kill Him but Maybe I Heard He Was Just Sent to Do Forced Labor in a Uranium Mine. I Don’t Know. Whatever. I Wonder What Happened to That Girl? I Should Totally Hit Her Up. God, I Haven’t Thought about Her Forever. Why Didn’t That Ever Work Out? Oh, That’s Right, I Sent That Dude Who Was Living with Her to His Death. Man, That Was Crazy Funny But Not Particularly Memorable. Thank God I Developed a Philosophy That Recuses Me from Any Feelings of Guilt or Responsibility. That Sure Was Convenient.

2 Comments / Posted in Congratulations, Fiction, Miles

Exhibit 11.20

5 Things I Learned From Extensive Olympics Watching

1. Don’t talk shit to Michael Phelps. Even having the word ‘shit’ and ‘Phelps’ in the same sentence makes me afraid he’s going to come down to my local pool and embarrass me in front of the other kids. I don’t want to be made a fool of in front of the Swanson twins.

2. Water polo, despite having several characteristics of something that would be awesome, is boring. There, I said it. Sorry, Mile Smodlaka.

3. Jason Kidd has no business being on any team, let alone the national one. I audibly laughed when the announcer had to say, “Jason Kidd needs a breather, so here comes Chris Paul.” Bold moves like that are why Coach K gets to be in AmEx commercials.

4. President Bush has a disturbingly close relationship with our women’s beach volleyball team. That guy never ceases to amaze with his uncanny ability to show fevered interest in some things (women’s beach volleyball, brush clearing) and no interest in other things (Vietnam, all other wars).

5. Foreigners hate Shawn Johnson. There, I said it. Sorry, Mile Smodlaka.

Comment / Posted in Disinterested, Miles, Sports