Interviews

Exhibit 1.4.4

Answers


I answered some questions for Midwestern Gothic here. Of course, that link includes a link right back here, so some of you are stuck in an endless Adam Peterson-loop while my cold, dead eyes look on disapprovingly. Or maybe it’s not at all like that. I really don’t know how you’re spending your day.

In any case, it’s a great journal and you should pick up a copy here.

Comment / Posted in Fiction, Interviews, Loops

Exhibit 20.21

Things That are Good

Octopus 12

Interview with Christy Call

This Recording’s 100 Greatest Authors
(So far they’ve done Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3)

Comment / Posted in 100, Interviews, Poetry

Exhibit 18.13

I answered some questions for Ryan Manning’s series of interviews. You should read it–here–if you’ve ever wondered why I keep asking you for your extra Legos then awkwardly declining when you offer some from your space set.

Sorry. I had to keep my castle plans under wraps so the pirates wouldn’t suspect anything.

3 Comments / Posted in Answered Questions, Interviews, Ryans

Exhibit 17.19

I don’t conduct an interview with the woman who stands in front of a shady looking tax place on ‘O’ Street dressed as the Statue of Liberty and waving at cars

This woman fascinates me. As far as I can tell, she stands on a busy street for 12 hours a day wearing a garbage bag, a foam lantern, and a showercap on her head–all teal. This is the costume which is supposed to make cars passing at 45 MPH violently swerve across traffic in order to get their taxes done at a place that employs such a poorly outfitted mascot. Or maybe the woman does the taxes herself. I really have no idea, but I hope that’s the situation.

I thought about taking a picture but then I realized that probably wouldn’t be nice. Also, I apparently can only use the macro function on my camera so here’s what it would have looked like:

That’s the showercap of the woman as she sits down to calculate the percentage of my apartment I use for office space.

Deductions!

I have many questions for this woman, so I decided not to ask her.

Me: I’m not sure on the exact date, but you’ve been out here every day for months, possibly since January 1st. It was really cold those early weeks. All of us felt bad for you. I assume you’re done after April 15th. What’s the experience been like for you?
Woman: Taxes! Get your taxes here! Taxes!

Me: There really aren’t a lot of businesses left on the street. I think there’s a Vietnamese grocery, a place that sells rims–or “dubs”–and a check cashing place or two. Last summer, one of the check cashing places had an inflatable mascot. I believe it was a rooster. Would you prefer there be other businesses? Other mascots? If there were, would you fall in love with one and get married on the street while wearing your costumes? Wait, I want to be clear I’m not suggesting you marry an inflatable chicken. In fact, forget this question. Never mind.
Woman: [waves foam lantern enthusiastically at a Taurus]

Me: Based on what you see here at this dilapidated tax store, what are your thoughts on the state of the economy and the prospects for a quick rebound using government stimulus, renegotiated mortgages for struggling homeowners, and extensive intervention into keystone industries?
Woman: You can count on our accounting!

Me: My impression is that you always wave at my car specifically. How crazy is this to think?
Woman: Taxes! Whoop! Whoop! [raises roof]

Me: I walked by you once a few weeks ago. I was very curious to see what this encounter would be like. After all, you’re there to attract customers, and here was a person walking right down a street no one walks down. I had a flat tire. It’s not important. So, I’m walking down the street, right, and I’m waiting for you to say something…but you say nothing. As I recall, you stared forlornly at the street until the light changed and more cars came.
Woman: It’s tax time, baby, tax time!

Me: It just seems like any foot traffic would have a much higher hit rate than the cars…You know what, your job is much tougher than mine. I’m not going to tell you how to do it. That said, would you tell me how to do my job?
Woman: Don’t be late! We do taxes great!

Me: So what’s next for you?
Woman: Taaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxeeeeeessssssssssss! Taxes. Taxes.

Me: I think there’s a cell phone store with a guy who dresses up as Uncle Sam. If I introduced you, could I be invited to the all-mascot wedding?
Woman: [Stares forlornly at the street until the light changes and more cars come]

I’d like to thank the woman dressed as the Statue of Liberty for not taking the time.

4 Comments / Posted in Don't., Interviews, Streets of Rage