Help

Exhibit 1.5.1

Weather

So apparently Houston is going to flood (again) and we’re all going to die (again). This is too bad as flooding doesn’t even rank on my list of terrible weather disasters I would hope to kill me. The list:

1. Tornado – Always chance it just transports me ala Zelda, Mario, and every other story about tornadoes.

2. Blizzard – Could have a cool story about how I got lost and walked in a huge circle when I thought I was going straight. Also, future people might discover my frozen corpse just outside a Casey’s General Store and speculate about my living habits based on my sweatpants and Museum of Jurassic Technology t-shirt.

That’s really pretty much it. It must be the Plains in me, but everything else just seems foreign and weird.

Hurricanes – Have eyes.
Floods – What did we do to god this time?
Mudslides – Applebee’s drink.
Tsunami – Scary, but unlikely to come from the Platte River.
Earthquakes – Only exist in sitcoms where a pregnant character rides an elevator.
Wildfires – Actually, I can see dying in a wildfire. That’s sort of Plains-y. Not grain silo explosion Plains-y but four wheeler accident Plains-y.

2 Comments / Posted in Deaths, Disasters, Help

Exhibit 26.27

The Silence


It’s pretty simple: I lost all my music. I suppose I thought I had my computer backed up on my iPod and my iPod backed up on my computer, the only flaw in this arrangement being that I kept these two items in the same place. This place was in a home with a window. This window ceased to be a window at some point and became something more like a robber-shaped hole. This is called evolution.

Here’s what I want from you:
* Your favorite albums
* Your favorite songs mixed as if on some kind of tape

I thought it might be good to see what friends/strangers/etc. send me instead of trying to meticulously recreate my old library. I mean, I know I had mostly Better than Ezra songs but which ones exactly?

This will be an improvement. We’ll learn something about each other. I’m excited.

Please?

Adam Peterson
2417 Yupon St.
Houston, TX 77006

Also, please resist the temptation to rob me. That would jerky.

3 Comments / Posted in Help, Music, Silence

Exhibit 15.9

Dear Anders Landers,

Help! A friend is facing a tough choice over a costly car repair and you always know just what to do. Should I disinvite my step-mother from the wedding even if it means my father won’t be there or should I finally tell my neighbor that the jokes he makes in front of my children are inappropriate?

Boss Troubles in Tallahassee
Comment / Posted in Help, Petersons, Things I Don't Know

Exhibit 14.4

To-Do List for Tuesday, October 11th

1. Recycle previously used idea for blog post
2. Learn how to strike through text using HTML

3. FIND A GRAPHIC DESIGNER RIGHT NOW
4. Mention to four disinterested people that today in Lincoln is totally like that Guns N’ Roses song and then, after they say, “Yeah, it’s November and it’s raining,” say, “Oh, I was thinking of ‘Mr. Brownstone'”
5. Reverence up some veterans
6. Talk to dog like she’s a baby
7. Look around empty apartment to see if anyone saw #6
8. Use my strengths to find and buy a Coke
9. Unnecessarily link to old blog posts
10. Finish Chapter Six
11. Regret Chapter Six
12. Think about Obama/pass out for a little while
13. Email potential trades I’ve made up to relevant GMs
14. Let go of concern that people can’t read this
15. Wait it all out

I’m doing pretty good all things considered. If you have any leads for #3, please be in touch.

2 Comments / Posted in Help, Lists, Reverence Up

Exhibit 11.3


The Cupboard is pleased to announce Parables & Lies by Jesse Ball, the first volume in our new format. A 76-page, tape-bound volume designed by Brett Yasko, Parables & Lies is a beautiful little book which you can explore here.

*SUBSCRIBE*
Please consider subscribing to The Cupboard. We publish 4 volumes a year, and we’ll send them your way for the insignificant price of $15. Of course, we understand that there are a lot of ways to spend your hard-earned money, but trust us when we say that you’ll be very happy with The Cupboard. Subscribe here.

You can also choose to order volumes individually for $5.

*THE VOLUME*
The Cupboard’s inaugural pamphlet contains thirty-six short narratives about weary travelers and siblings of strange portent. Here is a world of kingdoms and distrust, of strangers to be encountered and age-old morals never, probably, to come. Read excerpts here.

*ABOUT THE AUTHOR*
Jesse Ball (1978-) is a poet and novelist. His works include The Way Through Doors (Vintage 2009), Samedi the Deafness (Vintage 2007), Vera & Linus (Nyhil 2006), Og svo kom nottin (Nyhil 2006), and March Book (Grove 2004). His work was included in Best American Poetry 2006. He won the Plimpton Prize for the novella, The Early Deaths of Lubeck, Brennan, Harp & Carr. He is an assistant professor at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. See more at Jesse Ball was a Spy but has Retired to the Country.

*SUBMIT*
The Cupboard welcomes prose submissions of anywhere between 4,000 and 8,000 words. Submissions should be sent by email attachment to submit [at] thecupboardpamphlet [dot] org.

*DISTRIBUTE*
Because this is our first volume (and because it is particularly incredible), we’re hoping you will help us spread the word. Any way you can help us out would be greatly appreciated, as we rely on you for links, subscriptions, and, most importantly, submissions.

Oh, and if you’re interested in reviewing the volume, or know someone who might be, please contact us.

As always, thank you for everything,

THE CUPBOARD

http://www.thecupboardpamphlet.org/

3 Comments / Posted in Help, Lies, The Cupboard