Criticism

Exhibit 22.27

Literary Criticism Done as if I Were a Character’s Opinionated Friend and Could Give Them Advice Then Publish Said Advice in an Academic Journal and Become Bigger than Stanley Fish

Jurassic Park

Wait, really? Awesome. Well, sure, when you give me all the details it doesn’t sound quite so awesome. Yes, yes, Malcolm, you called it. Chaos Theory blah blah. I’m sure that will make you feel so much better when the pterodactyls are eating your face. I don’t know if they’re actually carnivores, you’re the one on Dinosaur Island. Fine, I’ll Wikipedia it. Yes, ate meat. There. No, it doesn’t say how to kill them. I don’t know, I’m sure it’s never come up before. If you were so certain this would happen, you should have packed a shotgun. Yes, I think a shotgun would probably kill them. I don’t know where there would be a shotgun. Ask the raptors. Sorry, sorry. That wasn’t funny. If the worst happens, I’ll tell the world your story. In the movie, I’ll make sure they cast Gary Sinise.

Comment / Posted in Criticism, Fiction, Islands

Exhibit 22.26

Literary Criticism Done as if I Were a Character’s Opinionated Friend and Could Give Them Advice Then Publish Said Advice in an Academic Journal and Become Bigger than Stanley Fish

Jane Eyre

Look, he isn’t going to leave her for you. You think he keeps her locked in the attic because he wants to break up with her? And that’s not the only thing he keeps locked up. Your dignity that’s what, Jiji. Yes, we’re all still upset about Helen but that doesn’t mean you need to go find yourself another Mr. Brocklehurst. What about that nice fellow, that Mr. Mason who is always creeping around? I bet his place doesn’t mysteriously start on fire. Or, yes, go to India. Even better. He doesn’t love you. What do you mean he made you prove it? He dressed up as what? O girl. O girl. O girl.

Comment / Posted in Classes, Criticism, Fiction