Brett

Exhibit 1.8.23

Most of the Reviews Agreed

 

One Dog Show

 

that Brett’s one-dog show went awry by misreading the basic tenor of “What Does the Fox Say.”

Comment / Posted in 2013, Brett, Foxes

Exhibit 24.27

Story Prompts

I’m in a class where we have to write a short story every week. To accomplish this task, we’re given prompts which have ranged from very specific to very general. Now, to be clear, I think this has been sort of great or at least I would if I liked writing short stories more. I don’t, really, at least not at the moment, and I’m also not exactly hurting for writing projects.

On the whole, this experience has been positive if frustratingly distracting. I’ve written a few things I like, a few I just typed, and then there was this week’s where I literally looked around my apartment and wrote about things I saw.

I want to say this now because when you read my story about playing online chess and eating Dots in this year’s O. Henry, you’ll say, “Man, he really captured that Brett Pugly’s ennui.”

I so did.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Chess, Writing

Exhibit 24.14

Post-Vet


Brett went a little crazy during an attempt to take her temperature at the vet. There were casualties, casualties that wouldn’t accept Brett’s apology no matter how long she stared without blinking.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Injuries, Recriminations

Exhibit 22.25


In order to make up for yesterday’s post, here’s a picture of Brett upset about having a cone on her head.

1 Comment / Posted in Brett, Upgrades, Upset

Exhibit 22.21


This was when Brett could hide because she didn’t have a cone on her head. What a magical time that was.

And, yes, my walls are that yellow and the things on them that middlebrow. Shut up.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Cones, Hiding

Exhibit 22.1

Things I Would Name This Dog If This Dog Were a Novel and I Were Still Me Struggling to Name a Novel-Dog Something Pretentious/Ominous


* A Congress of Sad Jingles
* Morning in the White Horrible
* Bad Dogs, Good Falls
* Outside The Window They’re Coming, They’re Coming
* Darkness Befalls the Pug

Comment / Posted in Bad Ideas, Brett, Titles

Exhibit 21.15

Like the Wright Brothers before her, Brett has now experienced flight.

Ah, Orville did the same thing after landing.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Flight, Orvilles

Exhibit 20.7

Look, it’s becoming more and more clear that I’m just not going to have time to blog successfully while I’m here. Or maybe it will calm down. But today I’ll just give you what you come here for:

* News about The Cupboard – Dave explains how we ended up with and why we like Caia’s piece here.

* News about friends – Chris Higgs is now writing for HTML Giant and Bright Stupid Confetti has become a weekly publication. Look for it Wednesdays because it’s a site that always makes me happy.

* Puppy Brett

Comment / Posted in Brett, Giants, Links

Exhibit 19.2

Damn, someone has already taken the title I was planning on using for my novel.

I’d even mocked up a cover.

From the sounds of it, his book isn’t about using a greyhound strapped with TNT to kill the president so I should still be okay there.

The president is a dog racing fan, you see, and he naturally wants to pet the winner, a dog trained since birth to do two things: run fast and kill the president. Well, three things if you count sitting.

You know what, it would probably be easier if you just read it. I don’t like to explain what I’m trying to say with my work. You can figure out for yourself that it’s about my estranged father.

5 Comments / Posted in Books, Brett, Fiction

Exhibit 17.17

The Way Through Doors

I’m not going to even try to review this since I’m in no way an impartial reader of the book. Jesse Ball’s fantastic Samedi the Deafness is why we asked him to write the first volume of The Cupboard, and he not only agreed to let two guys he didn’t know publish his work, he gave us something really great. So even if he wasn’t such a great writer, I’d pretend he was because he’s such a nice guy.

But he is a great writer and a nice guy and he’s written the book you wish you were reading right now.

Here’s how good this book is. Brett ate the cover:


She hasn’t done this since she was a puppy, and that was cookbook so you can imagine what magic these pages must contain.

But this isn’t about my untrained dog slowly enacting her own form of entropy on the world, this is about you buying Jesse Ball’s nesting doll of a novel. If you need a context, think At Swim-Two-Birds, Cloud Atlas, and If on a Winter’s Night a Traveller – three books that I love and that, as far as I can tell, everyone who reads them loves.

Doors is similarly a book one falls into and easily the fourth leg of that table. But I can’t review it, I can only tell you to pick it up and be happy.

Now.

1 Comment / Posted in Books, Brett, The Cupboard

Exhibit 17.2

Las Vegas Photos

So I took my camera out for approximately 4 hours yesterday at which point I took photos of things that were neither people nor Vegas-specific. So my camera is basically a job I’ve gotten myself, a job I put off until I have so little time that I can neither filter what my id wants to shoot nor turn off my camera’s macro function.


I hate buffets, but I think I might have actually gotten my money’s worth in coffee and orange juice alone. For the rest of the day, my hands shook (but not because of scurvy!)


I found the place where you should go for Denver Broncos games and dead fish. You’re welcome.


Chocolate croissant? Everybody’s a winner. For the rest of the day, my hands shook (but not because of hunger [and still not scurvy!])


This was just a sticker on the street that I thought was fascinating because I had no idea if it was A) Pro-Terrorist, Anti-Jesus or B) Anti-Terrorist, Pro-Jesus or C) Anti-Terrorist, Anti-Jesus or D) Pro-Jesus, Pro-Terrorist. I still have no idea and googling the phrases here hasn’t gotten me any closer to finding out. I was so confused that I think I even had the following conversation with Jo-Jo, my 3-card poker dealer.

Me: I just don’t get that sticker, Jo-Jo.
Jo-Jo: You play?
Me: I mean, okay, so the ‘shmissionary’ leads me to believe it’s probably anti-Jesus, but where do the terrorists come into play, Jo-Jo?
Jo-Jo: You need put chip down now.
Me: Maybe I should go back and take another look at the sidewalk. Of course, I’d have to ask the guys handing out the dancer cards to move again. I don’t know, there probably aren’t any more clues.
Jo-Jo: I decide play. You lose.
Me: Hmm, didn’t I used to have money?
Jo-Jo: Maybe ‘The Terrorist’ is clever rapper name.
Me: Hey, Jo-Jo, can I borrow ten dollars for a chocolate croissant and some coffee?
Jo-Jo: Shmissionary could be his label, I suppose. I should google this during my next twenty minute break.
Me: Seriously, Jo-Jo, who cares about the sticker? I don’t know how I’m going to pay for the taxi to the airport. I’m hungry and cold and maybe have scurvy.
New Dealer: I’ll be here for twenty minutes, guys. So, anyone see anything interesting on the sidewalk today? Hold on, sir. Before you start talking, you need to know that question was for players with chips on the table.


Oh, and then there was the time when Harry Belafonte and Sidney Poitier threatened my dog. Let’s see how she’s doing right now:


Seems fine. You lose again, Harry Belafonte and Sidney Poitier.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Jo-Jos, Travel

Exhibit 16.7

In case you thought I was crazy when talking about the abandoned car on the top of my parking garage:


There it is in all of its loneliness.

In case you thought I got a new camera and wanted to show off, you’re wrong.

In fact, Old-timey Brett has something to say about that:

“Consumer goods aren’t going to make you happy, Adam. I reckon you need to find interests that fill your heart rather than empty your wallet. Yes sir, I do.”

Hmm, I don’t like Old-timey Brett.

3 Comments / Posted in Brett, Cars, Wisdom

Exhibit 14.13

Speaking of the dog, Mathias posted a photo here that I was convinced was Brett. So convinced, in fact, that I’d already typed out a comment that was something along the lines of “Who’s a good dog? Yousa good dog, yes yous is, yes yous is.” before it occurred to me that Brett’s never had a penis and I’ve never had a white towel or a lower opinion of myself.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Comments, Typed

Exhibit 13.25

Tired Brett says, “Vote.”

Comment / Posted in Brett, Dog/Furniture/Gay, Vote

Exhibit 11.26

I don’t know if you caught Michelle Obama’s speech last night, but wow. She was smart, genuine, and warm (also, pretty foxy). I know the conventions are pretty much the worst thing about politics outside of the corruption and money (which they represent, of course), but it was nice to see someone with a genuine story who has made legitimate sacrifices onstage. I wonder if the empty set of mascara-ed eyes that is Cindy McCain will get a chance to speak and, if so, what she’ll have to say about her privileged lifestyle that has led her to be passed from her father to her father-like husband as if she’s some kind of doll. I realize that’s incredibly unfair, etc.

Still, it was just nice to see the first lady speak and think She could be president someday if she wants it. I know it’s not the first time we’ve been able to say that, but it’s the first time we’ve been able to say it and not know the answer.

At one point while Brett–a dog, a girl–was chewing on a bone, I poked her and pointed at the television and said, Look, Brett, a strong female role model. She then started to hump a pillow. I’m not sure if this means she got the message or not.

1 Comment / Posted in Brett, Could, Politics

Exhibit 11.9

A visual representation of what it’s like to watch Mama Mia! with the role of Trapped, Horrified Audience Member being played by Brett:


Don’t ask how I know. Just assume someone told me. Someone you and I don’t like.

By the way, Brett is three today. Also, she has plans for a musical featuring the work of Saigon Kick. So there’s that.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Movies, Saigon Kick

Exhibit 8.6

Now that my brief period of intense college basketball fandom has come to an end, I’m afraid this blog will revert back to being mostly about Chris Sarandon and candy bars I ate.

A few notes:

*Finally had the opportunity to watch Flight of the Conchords this weekend. I don’t even have words for how amazing it is.

*On a related note, we’ve changed the pronunciation of our dog Brett’s name to “Brit.” She won’t even respond to “Brett” anymore so don’t try. It took all weekend and a lot of Beggin’ Strips but it’s done.

*Also saw The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and it’s pretty great if not a little too long. Still, once it hits its stride in the second half it comes together nicely, and the movie might as well have been financed by the Missouri tourism board (visitmo.com). Anyone looking for the beauty of the plains should check it out (or drive up NE Highway 2 for awhile).

*Oh, and Casey Affleck. Good.

*Things upcoming this week: maybe some stock photography, a review of a book about elevator inspectors, a Royals preview, and who knows what else. Probably something about Chris Sarandon or candy bars or both.

1 Comment / Posted in Afflecks, Brett, Unnecessary Scheduling

Exhibit 6.6

We are now on our fifth couch in two years. I don’t even remember them any more. There was a green one, a yellow one, a gold one, and then a red one.

This is the reason why we keep getting new couches:

The new one is brown.

Comment / Posted in Brett, Couches, Red

Exhibit 4.9

So there was a possum in the backyard tonight. It scared the dogs/me. The possum seemed pretty nonplussed by all their/my barking.


I didn’t even know that a possum showing up in the yard was a possibility. Turns out it is. He seemed nice.

The last picture on the camera before all of the possum shots was this one:


I honestly don’t know if this blog could get any worse.

1 Comment / Posted in Brett, Sonny, Wildlife

Exhibit 2.25

The view from my work desk:



That’s fifteen stories up, about as tall as you can get in Lincoln due to archaic height laws passed to maintain the status of our beloved capitol building.

Now, the view from my home desk:

Sit back and watch as this already spectacularly awful blog becomes nothing but pictures of dogs and cute children I see.

1 Comment / Posted in Bad Ideas, Brett, Cathy